We have all been in a situation where you were so sure from the beginning that it’s not going to end up all in chaos if you follow a plan and have back up plans as well.
Spontaneity is what I lacked and first time I try it after seven years, I ruined everything. Oh no, is this regret? He’s waiting for me to say it. So he can get rid of me. Is the effort he’s showing worth all this letting go and moving on? To be fair, I have to thank him for making me realize that I should be moving on from all that but at the same time he made me realize what I lost and might not be able to find again.
Yes, he does what you expect from a boyfriend. He does these little things that will satisfy having someone to talk to and waste time. He’s young and I have no idea why I’m with him. He said it himself a hundred times. Maybe I should listen to him. It’s a major red flag really and I’m just ignoring his way of saying, “I’m not really up for some serious shit.” Yes, maybe that’s it. He is stringing me long enough just to make sure he has someone to bang.
Red flag number two, he called me psycho and crazy. For asking too much questions and wanting to know more about him. Crazy because I assumed that he mistakenly sent me a message that is totally out of context and that I maybe jealous over nothing.
Red flag number three, he does not want to ever talk about ex girlfriends and when he does, it doesn’t sound real.
Red flag number four, he constantly lies or hides certain things and says its not important.
Red flag number five, he says he is not in it for the sex and that he will marry you and go off to some first world country of his choice but never really telling you why he loves you.
Girl, seriously, how many red flags do you need?
You said to yourself you wanted to get married and have babies. Problem is you also told him that and technically implanted a bomb for yourself and now he is using that to keep you hanging. That is some bullshit you’re trying to swallow whole. You better come to your senses and stop this shit you have with this beautiful boy.
He is merely a phase you wanted to try. A boy. Nothing but a boy who is good with words and beautiful to look at. A boy willing to hold your hand and make you feel beautiful because he has nothing better to do. A boy you can easily let go without a second thought but you choose not to because you’re stupid. You’re older but you let this boy make you throw away a really solid relationship and future. He made you irrational and forget about a man who was loving you since day one. This boy you can break but you choose to give love. He is merely a boy trying to pretend to be a man for a woman like you trying to figure out her life.
Give it until you can get him out ofyour system or vice versa. Don’t push to make it public or anything permanent. Don’t give him husband privileges if he is still sending you uncertainties about how he is. Don’t tell him what you think abd want, it’s not communicating, it’s knowing how to keep you under his spell and wrap you around his fingers.
Don’t listen to butterflies and rainbows, you have come a long way just to get hurt by a boy who couldn’t even bring you to a proper date. A boy who keeps you a secret and yet holds your hand and looks at you like he has never seen someone so beautiful. Perhaps those lingering stares are saying, “this woman is so stupid.”
Because after writing all of this, I couldn’t agree more to what he has been thinking the entire time you were giving him the love he does not deserve.